She went out with fireworks.

So it's a little hard for me to sleep at the moment. It all happened so fast, and really TOO fast.

Meme passed away today around 1:30. I'm still trying to grasp the fact that she's in heaven.

She was a wonderful woman & a very faithful servant to her Lord. It leaves me so impatient to wait to go to heaven. I want to be there now, dancing and walking with the Lord, her and grandpa clarence.
Meme and me always had this weird connection. People always said that I was like her a lot, so I cared for her a lot, and could really relate to her. This has been one of the hardest weeks I have ever faced in my life. and I feel like I've aged mentally 10 years after all this.

When she was in Brook's, she had another stroke, except this one ended up being a major bleed. The doctors couldn't do anything for her, so they sent her to hospice. So that's where I've been this whole week. It's really upsetting because it seems like just yesterday she was in therapy starting to use her left side and mom and me were so excited that she would be able to make it to my going away party. I couldn't wait for her to make it home. Then all in a flash, we were rushing back from Tallahassee.

It's going to be the toughest next couple of months. Going to Tallahassee is going to be really hard. She was so proud that I was going off to college, and the fact that she won't be there to wish me off, just makes it depressing. and on top of that, I'll be so far away from my family. that doesn't make it any better. I won't know what she thinks about any of my boyfriends anymore, and whether she approves. I won't be able to look to her for spiritual guidance. I won't even be able to ask her to hem these pants or fix this strap on a dress. No more random lunches with meme and mom. and no more shopping for little nick nacks needed for special occasions or school, or etc. No more christmas light looking at the house down the road, and no more banana pudding or buttermilk biscuits, or thanksgiving stuffing.
I know that she will always be there, but no more hugs and no more memories is what's killing me.
We were going to make quilts together this summer... but now I'm going to make one for her.

All I can do now is thank the Lord that she went so peacefully, with no pain. and that we all got a chance to say goodbye. It just seems too soon.
Now I look at medical school like "how can i not?" there is so much undiscovered and so many things that can be prevented. maybe one day people like my meme can survive a brain bleed & maybe one day i can give hope to families like mine.
and i know that she is looking down with so much hope that i will go as far as i can, and for her, i will. With the Lord by my side, the possibilities are endless.

I just want to see her again so badly....