Isn't it funny how day-by-day nothing changes. But when you look back everythings different??
I've been pushing myself so hard that I've hardly had time to sit back and smell the roses. Between applying to stetson, fsu, and ucf, finishing my college classes for this week, helping cait find a way to have winterguard this year, and keeping up with my regular high school classes, it seems like I don't have time to sleep. I feel like I've disappointed people by how much church I've been missing, but life is so hectic. Not only do I have to keep track of my stuff, but I also have to be there for my friends and family. My mom is a wreck from my uncle being repeatedly hospitalized (not to mention I hate how his life is becoming so fragile, considering he's one of my closest family members i have left) and my sister is sick as a dog (i had to drive her to the doctor today) and dad is of course working and working; and at the same time, trying to figure out who i'm liking these days lol (but you gotta love him).
Friday I'm getting my wisdom teeth cut out and they said it's going to be a couple of days before I'm back to normal. I feel like I'm going to get behind by missing so much. I hate losing even a few days...
I keep thinking about next year and where my life is going to be. It's so hard, because I have to think of a dozen different angles. If I get into fsu, I'm going to be tied down with marching band(which will be awesome), and plus 3 hours away. If I get into stetson, i won't have marching band, but i will have a lot more to pay for considering it's private. If I get into ucf, i'll be 3 hours away, but close to my grandma.
I wish so badly that I can travel back and see the people that I'm leaving behind, but i don't know if i'm even going to have time to. It's a little depressing.
I feel like I'm letting people down. I don't mean to. I'm trying my hardest to balance what I have. But I didn't imagine having what I have my senior year. I thought I was taking an easier route. boy was I wrong.
There are some uplifting things occurring right now:
Christmas is right around the corner (I just hope it gets colder) and that means family and fun times. I love this time of year. It makes me feel so much better.
There are no boys in my life right now. No crushes, no boyfriends, no dates. all happiness. I didn't want that this year. and I'm glad I don't have it. Plus I'm looking for something new. That's why I'm waiting until next year to get onto the dating block again;)
My uncle has been facing a lot of medical problems, and the past few weeks, there have been times that we thought we would be attending his funeral in the next couple of days. Thank God, He pulled him through. My family doesn't need that right now. There is enough stuff to work out at this point, besides having to deal with a tragedy like that. God has really blessed him. But we are thinking about fixing up his camper and having him live out here by us. It would be so nice. To have him over for dinner, and be able to go visit him after school. I never get to see him, except for once in a blue moon because he lives an hour and a half away.
Just yesterday it was the beginnning of 2008, and now we are about to be in 2009. WOW
i'm beginning to realize how important these little memories and times are. and I love it.
I am starting to embrace little things. and I never realized how important it is.
<3Caila Lanell
PS. No more college!! I just finished my last college essay, at least for this semester!! :D
"There are moments when,
When I know it and
The world revolves around us,
And we're keeping it,
Keep it all going,
This delicate balance,
Vulnerable all knowing,
Sing like you think no one's listening,
You would kill for this,
Just a little bit,
Just a little bit,
You would, kill for this
Sing me something soft,
Sad and delicate,
Or loud and out of key,
Sing me anything,we're glad for what we've got,
Done with what we've lost
Our whole lives laid out right in front of us."
~Straylight Run
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