Love like crazy.

WELL. Where to begin?
Our house is all underway, now it's just getting it livable. My mom and me are going to start painting this week so we can get the kitchen cabinets in hopefully in the next week. In order to close on it, we have to put toilets, cabinets, and a stove in. I don't quite understand why you have to have a stove, but not a refridgerator, but okayyy. lol
So we should have it by the first of august, which means our highest hopes have been confirmed.. we can have Caitlyn's baby shower there, which is SO exciting. :)
Now we are just waiting for the 'good-to-go' signal from the mortgage person so we can start fixing it up.

My CNA test is on july 16th so pray that I can pass it and get a good job. I'm a little worried I won't be able to find one. I really hope I can get one at the hospital my mom works at but we'll see. I'm just happy to have it on my resume for PA school.
My sister and two cousins and I all went to see Eclipse the other night. I was surprised how much better the third one is from the first and second. I was impressed! And we also had tons of fun. When you get my family together (even just us) it tends to be a ball of fun. haha we definitely all decided that Jacob is WAYYY better then Edward in the movie. by a long shot. LOL

Guess what tomorrow is? July 4th. Which usually I would be more excited, but i'm not. That means that meme has been gone for a whole year. I can't believe it. Whenever I go by her house, it almost feels like it isn't true. It's like I can tease myself into thinking she's not gone. I just wish it were the truth. I'm trying to think of it positively. I keep reminding myself that she's gonna watch the fireworks from the best seat in the house with grandpa clarence. It makes it a little better.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful summer!
Oh, and here's a scripture I came across the other day that I loved:

"Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Matthew 7:13

Much love & sunshine,

Caila Lanell

I need your strength to feel this weak.

Well, this past week I've been super busy! From cleaning and organizing for the realtor to come put our house up for sale, to more organizing and cleaning that the realtor told us to do to show the house. I've had to pack up most of my closet, and I have to admit..packing STINKS!
Everything is looking good as far as the new house goes, we're just hoping to be moved in by August 7th in order to have Caitlyn's baby shower there. Their estimated closing day is July 20th, and then of course we have to put in cabinets, sinks, toilets, etc. We'll see!

On top of all this, I've had to start planning her baby shower. Which has been pretty crazy. I have to hand make 50+ invitations. They are gonna be super cute invitations but totally time consuming.

I've been trying to keep my head looking up and postive, Lord knows we need some of that around here. haha It's just hard sometimes when things try to frustrate me so badly. I just can't believe the audacity of some people. I try to keep myself in the reality in order to never be so naive. There are people who tell you what you want to hear or they tell whatever makes them look good. I just wish the people I care about wouldn't fall for those stupid lies. I always try to think about what my meme would do in those situations and how she would deal with it. It's so hard to deal with it the way she would. She always knew how to deal with any stressful or frustrating situation with such grace and calmness.

I was reading Lifestories again last night and I came across a couple excerpts that was like a brick wall in my face. I love when sometimes you get on your high horse, and you come across something or someone that brings you back down to your level. & the way Mark Hall put this, definitely did just that.

"As with Bethelehem, Jerusalem saw Him in Person, but He wasn't enough. They wanted more. They wanted signs, and He responded with plenty, though not enough to fancy their wandering hearts and itching ears. They had a picture of God they wanted, but the God they wanted was a political ruler."
"What's more, America has been blessed into agnosticism. I'm not blaming God; it's our fault. We Americans have taken God's immense blessings upon the most Christian nation the world has ever known and allowed these blessings to make us fat and happy. Oh, must we ever be happy!"
"...We let temporal concerns shape what we believe is most important in life, but our desire for happiness undergirds it all."

So true! It made me realize how much we, including myself, push aside God for happiness like He isn't enough. While all the while, He is PLENTY! He should be the one we're are striving for, and happiness will follow! Just think, knowing that you will be going to that blessed promise land, isn't that enough to make you over-joyed with happiness??
I've met SOOOO many people that question my priorites. I would give up anything if it means doing what is right in the Lord's eyes. That is what makes me happy. Are those good enough priorities for ya?! lol


Anyways! Just thought I'd share that tid bit of info with you, whoever you may be. Just something I found interesting and wanted to share. Off to bed, Good night!

Much love & sunshine,
Caila Lanell

Luke Bryan - Rain Is A Good Thing

Luke Bryan is amazing! and a total cutie ;) Really love this video and song! =)

And we hoped for the best, & let go of the rest.

So tonight is WNHS graduation and i'm going to see one of my best friends get his diploma (i.e. freedom :P) and also say the closing prayer. I cannot tell you how excited I am to see him do this! I'm so proud of him, graduating as class chaplain and being such a wonderful role model for his friends. It's gonna be a wonderful night =)

It got me thinking about where I was a year ago. I can honestly say that my life has changed the most in the past year then it ever has. Everyone says that your life FLIES after high school. Oh boy, they were right. I'm feeling oldddd! lol
Everything is different. It seems like even my state of mind has changed since then. and it wasn't even the graduation that caused it! It was life all of a sudden my future played out differently then i was expecting it to and then 'BAM' life hit me smack dab in my face. haha!

Hopefully tomorrow I will be at the beach soaking up the rays. as long as Florida doesn't decide to be unpredictable and rain all day! :/
I'll be able to enjoy it. Everything is looking good for my family and hopefully I'll be able to post some REALLY wonderful news on here by the end of this week. Keep your fingers crossed!

Everything isn't perfect, but I would probably be freaked out if it WAS! :P

Much love & sunshine,
Caila Lanell

"Have you been holding on to what this world has offered?
Have you been giving in to all these masquerades?
It will be gone, forever gone.
It will be gone, it will be gone
Let this old life crumble, let it fade.
Let this new life offer be your saving grace."

Blackout.

Does anybody hear her?

So I was reading this book I got a while ago and never finished and came across this very interesting excerpt. The book is called Lifestories by Mark Hall (lead singer and songwriter for Casting Crowns). I strongly recommend you read it if you haven't already. The book tells the story behind some of their songs which is remarkable because every single one has a prominent meaning. Which is one of the reasons I love Casting Crowns so much because they still mean something. So many bands just write and don't think.
Here's the excerpt from the chapter on their song "Does anybody hear her?":

"Girls are being told lies about who they are when, really, they're princesses. They're priceless, but they're being told by the world:
You're going to have to sell yourself.You have to present a certain look and act a certain way. These people over here expect you to hold this look and lifestyle a priority, but that group over there says you must do something different to get what you want. And if you can't pull it off, and keep everyone happy, you don't belong. You'll be rejected, you won't be happy, and you'll be a nobody.

Girls constantly have to sell themselves to everyone, or at least they're made to feel they must, and the ultimate fallout is usually painful. Their need for approval and for someone to tell them they are OK is sometimes worth more to them than their self-respect."

Amazing huh? Oh and guys, that was a MAN saying that stuff. Sometimes I hear stories of what girls have done (not gossip, although we're all guilty of that) and I wonder "what was going through their heads?" I try to think back before I knew Jesus as my savior. Before God 'completed' me (Mark Hall also speculates on 'completion" if you might say in this chapter also) and how much I let the world's viewpoint weigh on my choices. I still, unfortunately, let the world sway my choices, and everytime I do, it's never good. People look so much for approval and completion from everyone else they forget who they truly are. Mark Hall put this into a billiant perspective, and I read that excerpt over and over again. IT'S SO TRUE, IT'S CRAZY! haha

He goes on to say this:

"We believers tend to maintain at least two "bad" lists. I'm an expert at it. If someone does something on one bad list, we're willing to restore her, love on her, pray for her, circle around her, and escort her back into the fold. But what if she does something on the other bad list? Then everybody needs to just back away and try not to get anything on them.
I often remind myself: If I imagine the person with the worst reputation ever, I'm only two or three bad decisions away from being that person, Those of us who keep lists should examine our hearts, our pasts, and our habits. May Christ's love overwhelm all of our preconceived notions."

It's so frustrating to see other believers like myself judge someone like Mark Hall illustrated. Granted, I'm guilty of it also, no one is perfect. I can't stand seeing believers like myself seperate themselves from non-believers like he said "to not get anything on them." If you seperate yourself from the people that need help the most, who is going to be there?? Making a cliche of believers helps no one, not even yourselves. When you close yourself off to the world, you're closing yourself off from being a witness for God. Not even closing yourself off to non-believers, but rather people who make mistakes that to you, shouldn't be made. WE'RE HUMAN. Don't confuse yourself and think that just because we have accepted Jesus as our savior means that we are above everyone else. We are undeserving of being saved; we are sinners. But God is gracious enough to offer salvation. Be humble, don't hold yourself on a pedestal.

Anyways, I wanted to share these excerpts with everyone because they we're so astounding to me. The fact that he was so blunt and straightforward. Most people are afraid to say these types of things because they may offend someone. If you haven't read Lifestories before, you really should! =)

Much love & sunshine,
Caila Lanell

I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now.

Have you heard the new song Airplanes by B.O.B ft. Hayley Williams? If not, you should. It's pretty darn amazing. =)

SO. I've come to realize that I really miss blogging. SO, here comes the blogs! Which is a good idea since a lot of changes have come my way and are continuing to head this way.

Here's some of the changes that have happened since my last blog.
1) I'm returning home to finish school at UNF. Contrary to popular belief, not because I "couldn't make it" away at college. It just so happens that I have had some opportunities reveal themselves that happen to require me to be at home; which everyone knows, I love my family, so I can bear to live with them for now. :P
2) I will be an aunt to a little baby boy in august; which is quite exciting considering I never thought I would ever have a neice/nephew. God works in mysterious ways.
3) My family is moving from our home of 15+ years. I know, no more bonfires in the boondocks. My parents are meeting with the realtor tomorrow to put our house on the market and we are hoping to hear back about the house that we have set our eyes on any day now. Say some prayers that it all works out, because we desperately need to be closer to civilization with everything going on.
4) I finished my CNA (certified nursing assistant) class last week and hopefully will be taking the state exam and, hopefully, beginning to work at Mayo (where my mom works) in a matter of a month or so. My mom is trying to get me a job on the oncology floor at Mayo, which is to say the least, a dream come true. I'm interested in getting into the oncology field and this experience will be like no other. God definitely opens doors.


WOWSA. I think that is all for now. I'm sure there's plenty of more but I just spring cleaned our house in one day so i'm pretty darn exhausted. I'll post again real soon! Thanks for reading, whoever is out there...

Much love & sunshine,
Caila Lanell

I know the journey seems so long,

You feel you’re walking on your own.

But there has never been a step,

Where you’ve walked out all alone.

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart,

Cause joy and peace He brings.

And the beauty that’s in store,

Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting.

~There will be a day: Jeremy Camp

you know that i could use somebody.

So here I am. I know, it's been forever since I've posted anything but i've been horribly busy.

We're already halfway through the semester, how insane is that??

I miss home, I won't deny it but not because of the reason you think.
I had a seizure the beginning of September and since then, things have been racing past so fast I can't keep ahold of everything. They realized my heartbeat is slow (like in the 40s) occasionally and thats they're only clue to why I had a seizure. We think this has been happening since the spring because I went to the doctor then, but they dismissed it as nothing. I feel dazed and exhausted all the time, and right now overwhelmed. I love FSU, but with everything on my mind, being at home comforts me. Being at FSU in my dorm, is like being at camp and that's not what I need right now. I've had to miss some of my classes to go to my cardiologist in Jacksonville. I could have went in Tallahassee but he's been seeing me since I was born and I was more comfortable with that. So the doctor appts and tests are a little agravating and pretty much just stress me out with having to arrange them around classes.

I kinda convinced myself last week that everything was fine, but then on Thursday when I went to see the Dr. Armstrong (my cardiologist) it was kind of a rude awakening that everything isn't okay.

I just want to get past all of this and be a normal college kid.

I did get some inspiration over the weekend about my future. I'm gonna get my four year degree somewhere in the medical field. But instead of going to med school I may just become a PA, or here's something new, a NURSE. and then after that, I want to join the Air Force and fly a jet. No joke. I've wanted to since I was like 8 but I always thought that it was absurd. Now i've realized that nothing is absurd or impossible. If it's meant to be, it'll find a way.

I think that's all for now. Off to do some never-ending homework.

Good Night,
Caila Lanell

and everyday is a start of something beautiful.

So my going away/birthday party was amazing! I had so much fun. Even though a few things weren't as great as I though they would be, my party still couldn't have been better.

The fireworks were amazing, they were BEAUTIFUL!
My close friends were there, and the people that mattered, so even though a lot of people stood me up, everything was wonderful!



After I got my physical this morning for the Marching Chiefs, I came home and started packing.

I never thought it would be this overwhelming or stressful. It really is like moving out! I guess I was looking at it like a trip...
But I got a lot done today, unfortunately I still have tons to do tomorrow.

Tomorrow, me and mom are going grocery shopping for my dorm (yay!) and picking up a few last minute things. I'm so excited but nervous. I don't know ANYONE from the marching chiefs, and i'm not the easiest person to make friends considering I tend to be shy. but, I'm branching out and starting fresh. I'm starting a new beginning and that's what I've got to focus.
Cait wants to take me tomorrow evening to get a "date" outfit for my birthday. ROFL
She thinks i'm gonna need one [we'll see] but leave it to her to think of that stuff. which shows how completely opposite we are! gotta love her...

Samuel and me went off the other night, and i finally saw Harry Potter! It was amazing and I can't wait till the seventh one!! But we had tons of fun, and it's really gonna make me miss my friends even more. but they're just a phone call away!

[i'm trying to stay positive if you haven't noticed. hehe]

OH! and the other day I found out that an "alternate" for the marching chiefs is completely different from an alternate for high school. An alternate to them means sharing a spot on the field with someone else, and you guys rotate off each game. So you still perform, just not at every game. So either way, at preseason training, I'm happy, because I will be able to perform in the fall. So, i'm going to put 100% in, and if i get a regular position, awesome. if i get an alternate, awesome. Either way I perform, so I couldn't be happier. :)

Well I think that's all, besides the fact that my parents bought me a brand new laptop... and it happens to be GREEN! :D I get it in a couple of weeks, until then, i'm taking my desktop with me.

Lots of love,
Caila Lanell

there is love in times of need, when life is cold there is a promise, you will never go without.

So Saturday is my party. and i'm been crazy busy trying to get everything together on top of leaving next week for tally.

...but maybe that's a good thing. because everytime i stop to think about saturday and leaving for college, the first thing i think about is that meme won't be there.
and then i want to cancel everything and crawl into bed with pillows over my head.

there should be some kind of hideaway you can go to when nothing feels right anymore....


Oh, and i'm 18 today!! but it's not like i'm gonna smoke so no big deal. lol but cait and steph made me a butterfly cake and mom, me, steph, and cait all rented a movie tonight. so i had fun :)

You say life is waiting for the one to lose control.

So I'm back from the Keys, unfortunately. I loved it there. I have a new dream to add to my list. I want to graduate from school and buy a beach house. I haven't decided if i want like a weekend house and then live in an apartment but i definitely want a beach house. or maybe i can be a travel doctor.... I'm not even thinking about marriage, because I'm going to do what I dream of doing, and then if I decide to get married, then okay. But I'm not compromising what I want to do, for someone else.

We went snorkeling and kayaking and walked Duval Street (which was halarious). We took stitch kayaking and went to this little deserted island and stitch went running through the water and mangroves. and then she lost her bikini bottoms (yes she has a bathing suit lol) and dad had to go searching for them :P

But now I'm back and planning a party in 2 weeks. wow. that will be a first.
and I have to be at my first marching chiefs rehearsal on August 14th. Then after that rehearsal, I move into my dorm at 8pm. Then i have to be on the field again at 7:30 in the morning for preseason training. FUN FUN! haha
But i'm excited. I can't believe that in a few weeks I will be living on my own. and in 8 days I will be 18! but it's not like i want to smoke or anything, so it's not really that significant....

and everytime I think about future plans. like college, or my party. i always think about meme... but then i realize that she won't be there. and it really sucks. when me and mom went college shopping the other day, it was really sad. She always went shopping with us.. she just did. and we were so excited to go college shopping and thinking about us doing it without her was just wrong. it didn't feel right at all. she should be there, telling me what's overpriced or cute or something i need. but she wasn't there... it's like a piece of me is missing.

anyways. my going away/birthday party is on August 8th at 5pm. Just in case anyone didn't get an invitation. Just let me know if you're going. Paige is handing a bunch of invitations at band rehearsal on Monday.

<3 Caila Lanell

"Well it's hard enough to hear

Harder still, to move beyond this fear

We know there's nothing I can bring,

So tell me what do you want from me?

But You say let it go, You say let it go

You say life is waiting for the one to lose control."

~ Let It Go by Tenth Avenue North

no shoes, no shirt, no problems. :P

I hate headaches.

Not just migraines, but the tired, all-day headaches too. Migraines, I take a bunch of meds, go to sleep, somtimes throw up, wake up and it's gone.
But the headache I've had all day, is like my brain going "I need sleep!! You've overloaded me with thoughts, and I'm exhausted!!" haha seriously...

I didn't sleep worth anything last night. All I did was toss and turn restlessly no matter how tired I was. I hope I can sleep tonight :/

Well, tomorrow I'm getting up at 4 in the morning, and driving for 8 hours to the Keys. I wish I could teletransport. lol I'm really excited though, especially about scuba diving! and also saltwater fishing.

When I get back, I hope I can hang out with my friends. I miss them too much, and I just want to have a relaxing last-half of my summer. I can't go to church camp though, because that week I'm going to my grandma's house. which sucks, but I need to spend time with my grandma. I haven't been to her house in over a year. and I also have to plan my going away party. Which I'm really excited about, even though it's not going to be as big as i had hoped. But things have happened that needed my time more.

well I'm off to lay down and listen to the rain and thunder. it's quite relaxing when you're inside with pjs on. Text me this week, I'll actually be able to get back to ya on a timely manner. =)

no one up there will say goodbye.

We buried Meme today. It still feels like a bad nightmare that no one can wake up from. The service was simple yet amazing. Exactly what Meme would have wanted. The church she goes to is pretty big and it was packed! that just shows how lovely of a lady she was and how loved she was and is. My slideshow turned out perfect, and now I have many copies to make, and one to make for another funeral. lol [which i don't mind, i just wanted it to be something special for meme]

The hardest part was letting go. and then after that, i realized that she is closer than she would have ever been. i feel like she is sitting on my shoulders, guiding me along. and I feel so strong and capable. i was telling mom how hard its going to be, being in tallahassee and not being able to pick up the phone and talk to her, and mom told me that she is closer, and that speaking to her will be much easier than picking up a phone now. which is the truth.

We are leaving for our vacation to the keys on wednesday and then we get back the wednesday after that. Then I have just a few more weeks left that I have to get all my stuff together for college [LOTS and LOTS] and visit grandma. on top of planning that party.

but at least i will be busy and distracted....

i'm upset that i can't make it to church camp, but everything that's happened this summer was unplanned, and it leaves so much to catch up on and do. this is not the summer i dreamed of, and definitely not the summer i wanted. but i'll see her again one day. and all that matters is that she isn't in pain and she's holding Grandpa Clarence's hand and dancing.

She went out with fireworks.

So it's a little hard for me to sleep at the moment. It all happened so fast, and really TOO fast.

Meme passed away today around 1:30. I'm still trying to grasp the fact that she's in heaven.

She was a wonderful woman & a very faithful servant to her Lord. It leaves me so impatient to wait to go to heaven. I want to be there now, dancing and walking with the Lord, her and grandpa clarence.
Meme and me always had this weird connection. People always said that I was like her a lot, so I cared for her a lot, and could really relate to her. This has been one of the hardest weeks I have ever faced in my life. and I feel like I've aged mentally 10 years after all this.

When she was in Brook's, she had another stroke, except this one ended up being a major bleed. The doctors couldn't do anything for her, so they sent her to hospice. So that's where I've been this whole week. It's really upsetting because it seems like just yesterday she was in therapy starting to use her left side and mom and me were so excited that she would be able to make it to my going away party. I couldn't wait for her to make it home. Then all in a flash, we were rushing back from Tallahassee.

It's going to be the toughest next couple of months. Going to Tallahassee is going to be really hard. She was so proud that I was going off to college, and the fact that she won't be there to wish me off, just makes it depressing. and on top of that, I'll be so far away from my family. that doesn't make it any better. I won't know what she thinks about any of my boyfriends anymore, and whether she approves. I won't be able to look to her for spiritual guidance. I won't even be able to ask her to hem these pants or fix this strap on a dress. No more random lunches with meme and mom. and no more shopping for little nick nacks needed for special occasions or school, or etc. No more christmas light looking at the house down the road, and no more banana pudding or buttermilk biscuits, or thanksgiving stuffing.
I know that she will always be there, but no more hugs and no more memories is what's killing me.
We were going to make quilts together this summer... but now I'm going to make one for her.

All I can do now is thank the Lord that she went so peacefully, with no pain. and that we all got a chance to say goodbye. It just seems too soon.
Now I look at medical school like "how can i not?" there is so much undiscovered and so many things that can be prevented. maybe one day people like my meme can survive a brain bleed & maybe one day i can give hope to families like mine.
and i know that she is looking down with so much hope that i will go as far as i can, and for her, i will. With the Lord by my side, the possibilities are endless.

I just want to see her again so badly....

i wish i could hear your voice.

I'm not used to this.

I'm supposed to be the cautious and doubtful one. Now, I'm the one that feels like she can soar and everyone else is looking at me with doubt.

It's like a million eyes on me waiting for me to screw up.

...and i don't like it.

I'm tired of being judged and everyone assuming they know everything; I want to be a kid again.

He's not finished with me yet.

Right now is the perfect time that I wish I had someone that I can cry on their shoulder. It really sucks being single sometimes, but it's really great others.
I never imagined that we would be dealing with all this, this summer, much less in my lifetime.
I never thought I would live to see the day that Meme would be the way she is. She always seemed so strong. I guess I got caught up in the idea that my life was going so great, I never thought of a bombshell like this.
But she is making it through. Today was her first day of rehab at Brooks, and mom and me were right by her side. They had this machine to lift her and she actually stood up!! it was so amazing. and then they have a rehab dog named Cane. He is a golden retriever and the cutest darn thing EVER. I wanted to scoop him up and take him home with me.
So today was a good/bad day. Like I said, it's hard for me to watch them work with Meme when just last week she was so independent. and now it's hard for to feed herself. She started moving her leg today, and so mom and me decided that our goal is to have her walking by my going away party.
On top of all this, I'm so overwhelmed. I feel like my whole life I've had to be the adult in one way or another. I'm sick of it. I'm not supposed to be the adult, i'm supposed to be the college kid.. ugh.

This week has been rough. and next week won't be any easier. Tomorrow I'm going to the beach with Kara and then hanging with Emily for her birthday. So I'll have a little break. and I miss church so badly, so I can't wait until Sunday. Oh, and I got my transcripts back from FSU. I already have 16 credit hours! I know it's not much, but it really is soothing to think of going into my freshman year with 16. I have such a long road ahead of me with med school and everything so any little bit is like a celebration! lol

Off to watch a movie with mom, tootles! hehe..

<3Caila Lanell

things i'll never say.

The other day, I was listening to Things I'll Never Say by Avril Lavigne and I think every girl can relate. There are so many things that go unspoken, and sometimes you wish you didn't have a filter and that you could tell everyone everything that you want to & do what you want to. But it's not that easy....
life's not that easy...

We got back this afternoon from Fort Clinch [we had a change of plans in vacation sites the morning we were supposed to leave lol] and I'm exhausted. I have a lot of cleaning over the next couple of days. I wish I could sleep but I really have so many things going through my head. Vacationing gives you time to slow down and actually think about things. Everytime I start to get depressed about things I turn on Walking On The Sun by Smash Mouth and everything gets a little bit happier. LOL I guess my life rotates around music even though I'm not musically inclined.

Tomorrow I have a doctors appointment [which i'm not looking forward to but can't avoid it ugh] and afterwards I'm going to Petco. I decided to splurge and bye something for myself with my graduation money considering the rest is going towards college. So I'm going to get a Betta fish, and his name shall be Shark Tooth :DDDD I've always wanted to have an aquarium and since I'm going to be in a dorm next year, one little fish is better than lots of them. So he can go to college with me. My mom and me were brainstorming names and that's the one I like best. We even went through ones like squiggles, bubbles, hammerhead, and snorkle... LOL we're quite a pair once you put us together. hehe

But camping was LOADS of fun, and I can't wait to go to the Keys! I found 29 shark teeth btw... which led to inspiration for the name. haha Oh, and on top of not having a community bathroom, I found out my roommate (who's from Weston, Fl) which is cool. I'm stoked about the fall!! and of course my going away party, it's going to be a blow out! =)

I'm going to the beach with Kara on Saturday [woohoo] and I think I might visit Stephanie and the twins on Friday, I'm not sure yet.
But that is pretty much the rest of my week.

Love,
Caila Lanell

lessons learned.

I am an official high school grad, and it's kinda overwhelming. It seems like just yesterday I was scared out of my mind, knowing nobody, and a transfer kid from the school's arch rival. haha
These past 4 years have been a blast and I have definitely learned a lot in this rollercoaster we call life.

This year I have learned some very adult like lessons. lol
1) I've come to realize the most important things to me: my family, the very few friends that aren't blood, but i call family, my God and pleasing Him, the simple things in life that can bring a smile to your face and of course, the three things I try to live my life with... hope, faith, and love.
2) I've learned not to be so naive. I use to think that everyone's intentions are good and now i've realized that this world isn't as great as i viewed it.
3) Trust is a hard thing to come by and sometimes the people you think you can trust the most, you actually should trust the least.
4) Letting go is one of the hardest things to do, but it can actually lead you to eventual bliss.
5) Don't live your life focused on your regrets, because believe it or not, those regrets have led you to learn a little but more about yourself; take that and live with it, and forget about the past.
6) I've learned to embrace imperfections in everything... and learned to look at as beauty rather than ugliness.

Most of all, I've learned high school is overrated. and really immature. Looking towards the future and all the options going along with college, i'm ecstatic. I'm just a little nervous about the fact that I'm standing on the edge of the rest of my life, and I'm leaving everything that I'm comfortable with.

On a good note! I will be sharing a bathroom with my roommates instead of a community bathroom in my dorm. and plus it will be Reynolds hall which is a living learning community. You have to sign an official agreement not to be doing drugs, alcohol, tobacco, or anything like that. So I'm not going to have to worry about a bunch of parties in my dorm. Which is really reassuring. That takes a lot of worry off my shoulders. I go to orientation in 2 weeks and hopefully everything will become more comfortable. Tomorrow we're leaving for our Jekyll island rv trip, which is going to be tons of fun. I will be back on Monday.

I have to look into getting a laptop though. Mom wants me to get a dell pc... but i kinda want to get an apple macbook.. does anyone reading have any ideas as to which is better??? i really could use some advice.

I <3 summer
Caila Lanell

time of my life.

I have a trust issue. Always have, always will it seems like. It is one of the worst things in the world. and sometimes i wish i could just let go and not worry. but i think i've realized that maybe having a trust issue isn't that bad after all...

I'm so sick of people thinking they know me. Stop over-analyzing me and judging me. You don't know me. Trust me, you don't. No one exactly knows me inside and out. Except for my mom or maybe my sister. You don't know how i think and you definitely don't know how it is to be in my shoes. So maybe instead of being so quick to judge, you can talk and ask and rethink your decision. I hate know-it-alls. I hate people who think that they can look at me, hang out with me, and, just like that, know me. Maybe that's got something to do with my trust issue...

This world needs more people who stop and analyze the situation, instead of people who act on impulse, and what they think will make themselves feel better.



So the time is winding down for us seniors. We are on our last week of school, and I think it's hitting me. I actually may be scared. Actually... scared out of my mind. I'm ready to start my life, but what if i screw up big time? This is a bigger deal than i actually realized. I' m starting the rest of my life. Looking back on my high school years, I've grown up so much and I can't believe all the things I've learned. People think there isn't that big of a change from one year to the next, but I can see a BIG difference between 11th and 12th grade.

Friday is Stephanie's wedding and I can't wait to see her looking beautiful on her wedding day.. it's going to be so much fun =)

<3Caila Lanell

"Isn't it funny how day-by-day,

nothing changes.

but when you look back,

everything's different?"

God works in mysterious ways.

I can't wait for graduation!! Prom is done, then the bacclaurette service, and then DIPLOMA! lol

Prom was fun, i think i liked the limo more than anything. haha

the food was good, and i had SO much fun with my friends, isn't that what prom is about? lol

I'm so happy about the person that i've become & I am thrilled that in just a few short weeks, i will be standing on the edge of the rest of my life. This year, like every year, has taught me so many things. and my final blog with have TONS in it.

But i must say, high school has been an adventure. I have discovered those friends that will never forsake me. They are amazing, and sometimes I think that I'm supposed to be living someone else's life.

I can't wait to see my family at graduation. My Aunt Vicki is flying in from Wisconsin and then of course, my Uncle Fritz, his girlfriend, and my Grandma are coming up from south florida. & of course I can't forget my mom's family, especially Cammie (he's started walking!!) and Austin (that boy can always make you smile). I'm probably looking forward to that more than actually getting my diploma. haha

and then of course the summer! which is going to be jam-packed with FUN! First Summer Waves, the river all the time, FSU orientation, the keys, church camp, and then pre-season training. i'm not going to have time to breath! lol

After the ap pysch test on tuesday, i officially have NOTHING. =)

but goodbye, watching Becoming Jane(super-cute movie) with mi madre! =)

<3CailaLanell